Managing Your Children During a Renovation or Move: Creating Opportunities for Growth
Moving house or embarking on a major home renovation can be tiring, stressful, and messy. It is a long haul process that requires your stamina and patience, and understandably you need all the time and space to plan and prepare for a major change in you and your family’s lives.
The only constant is change. Unless it’s my house. Then do not change it.
As I have heard and witnessed many house moves and changes, a lot of the stress is caused by friction among family members and the thinking that a house transition ought to be a certain fixed process when it is an organic, dynamic process of change.
One reason children can feel disengaged and un-confident in their work is because they are not empowered to take charge of the environment that they do their work and play in. They’ve never been asked about what they want to wear or what they like or not like about sleeping in particular spaces.
They may hear their mothers and fathers discuss the practical concerns of a house (sometimes in stressed tones), but not the supportive, more emotive aspects of it.
When we involve our children in a house move or renovation, we are inviting them to experience a beautiful process — where they are with the ones they require love most and working through life questions and dreams together. This can be big or small, and any child, whether a toddler or a teenager, can appreciate and be inspired by this change in life.
If you keep your children “out of the way” during this phase, they will experience a lack of integration into the new space. They’ve lost their familiar nooks and crannies and their things have been taken and put differently.
You will face a longer period of transition with your children in the new space. How will their new routines look? Where will their stuff go? Why the new space not working the way you thought it would?
In 1921 Fritz von Bothmer was asked by Rudolf Steiner to develop the gymnastic education at the first Waldorf School in Stuttgart. When Bothmer confessed to feeling somewhat inadequate for the task, Steiner simply advised him to ‘be happy’ in his work. That is what he did; and gradually he evolved a series of gymnastic exercises for the children.
Home changes are always learning experiences
Moving home shakes up a lot of hidden or neglected assumptions about a space. This includes the sort of materials, too, in home furnishing that we did not realise are toxic.
Mold is a common example. Dismantling furniture, stripping wallpaper or paint, can reveal moisture issues. This can cause respiratory irritation, eye irritation and wheezing, especially in children who have underlying allergies or respiratory issues like asthma.
People often rush to renovate before a new baby arrives, but pregnant women should take care not to expose a fetus to harmful fumes and dust, especially in older homes.
Take the chance to explain to children why you do not want to be inhaling or ingesting harmful dust, especially for younger siblings who are infants and toddlers and spending a lot of time crawling on the ground.
Children have the power of loving imagination
Give your child a role and tasks. Open them up to the opportunities of being a family member who is able to create a beautiful, supportive space too.
Some thoughts to prepare your children for a house move or a major home renovation:
Before you start involving your children, clarify your own intentions for your house move or renovation. This dispels any fears of your own.
Show your child everyday items (furniture, kitchen utensils, toys, books) that you may want or not, and why you are keeping or letting go of them.
Explain a house move or renovation as a process of making a home that supports what you want for your loved ones living in the space. This is a great way to explain gratitude and connection to a place.
Plan for age-appropriate and peaceful tasks where your child can participate. It could be sorting out their books or clothes. Or imagining how they will rebuild a Lego set.
Ask your child what types of projects and playtime they would love at the new space, perhaps perhaps painting and drawing, or a spot to practise their basketball throws. Children have powerful imagination that can help propel their actions. They will be ready for the tasks along the way if they create their big picture.
Give them age-appropriate tasks in the new space. It could setting out their books or clothes, mopping the floor, finding their nook on the kitchen shelf for their pet plant/fermentation project. It could simply be placing their pencil case and papers neatly at their desk.